Thursday, March 15, 2012

Reflecting on Essay #2 Feedback


1. What surprised me the most about your comments was that you said I improved in my topic sentence. Well you didn't really mention it but you didn't put that I needed improvement in that section. What also surprised me was the same grade that I got for the last essay and I tried harder and I know that I have improved in my writing I just don't know what I need to improve on the most to get a better grade.

2.The comment I found helpful the most was the one where added the areas of improvement. I wasn't very confident t in how I was supposed to use FANBOYS. Now I know that I need to work more on adding FANBOYS to my sentences so they can connect to my ideas.

3.The comment I found least helpful was where you said that my topic sentence need to be more developed. I thought i had made an arguable point but I guess I  need to add more discussable points.

4. One area that I should focus on my next essay is that I have to stay on point with one point of view for example I noticed that I started my essay with talking in second person perspective, using "you". Then I kept reading and I was talking in first person perspective, i was using the word "I" and kept including myself. I think its fine if I use both but I have to use one perspective per paragraph. In this paragraph i think i should have focused on using the first person because I can relate to this topic about equal education myself.
5. I think I could have gotten at least a B on this particular essay because I worked hard on it. I made sure that my paragraphs had PIE structure I tried using some FANBOYS. I met with my pass the torch tutor twice a week to go over the outline because the outline would determine the main ideas and what was going to be written on paper. 
6. I will use FANBOYS and make sure I have discussable main points in my body paragraphs or else my essay won't have much information it. ALso I need to make a strong topic sentence for every body paragraph so it can interest the reader to continue reading the rest of the essay   

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