Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Unit 1: Revision Plan

2a. Yes
b. yes
c. Yes, i need to fix my thesis based on the comments my peers gave me. my thesis is based on three different points and my peers gave me feedback on the points that i make in my body paragraph because I'm making two different points in my essay. I need to fix it because i need to focus on certain points more than others i feel like my essay is out of content.
3.a "Yes, I think Amalia will talk about her believe of why youth can succeed, then why the youth join gangs, and finally the solution she believes will help stop or fight the violence." (Jose)
b. this quote will help me because it shows on the part that i need to focus on in my essay.I was focusing on why the youth join, but in reality i need to focus on the solutions that will help stop the violence and will help youth reflect on their bad habits.
c.·  "In paragraph 2, you provide a quote support but it does not support your point because you are trying to emphasis that authority pushes young people into gangs, but your readers would not know what you meant by using Rodriguez’s quote." (daisy)
d. This comment will help me because i now know that i need to put an explanation at the end of the paragraph 2, i just put a quote and i did not put an explanation and why it relates to the theme of my essay.
4. Yes i think that i have to revise my body paragraphs because my essay os all over the place. I need to find one concept that i need to focus on and expand and develop more on it.

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